To letting go...

For a really long time my goal was motivated to impress a person who does even care if I die or live.  I use to think that if I change he would look my way and I was wrong, if I'm going to change I have to do it for me but this time witho an ulterior motive to motivate me.  Its being hard and painful but I must not give up :) some day I will find the one that will be thrilled to be by side.  Till then I must work to love myself :)

Not going to give up

Since the end of June I was feeling like I was starting to lose the war, the month of July was a total waste but August did a major turn around in my life and I started to work out. I started slow at first but not giving up almost a month and my family has started to see the difference.  Now the September is around the corner I have decided that even if I lost a few battles I refuse to loose the war, so I will be adding a new regiment of healthy eating to my school routine and combined it with my lovely workouts to completely win this war to the extra weight.

Lost motivation

    I have a tendency to give up when things get hard, but not this time rereading my post helps me and gives me hope that I have walked and that I able to walk again.  This time is my time!!! I have a feeling that this year it going to be full unexpected events and I'm looking forward all the positive things that I can improve in my life.  I feel sad that I have wasted two weeks of perfectly good exercising and eating healthy,  but I also feel good that I was able to take this let down and was able to pick myself up with time to not let this summer go to waste.  My goal seems far from here, but I have hope that one day I'll be able to turn my dream into a reality.  :)  I feel great I want to lose the weight that stands between me and my happiness.

15 Weeks of Goals

Exercise is amazing I don't think I can give up the dosage of happiness that it gives.  

So I've divide my weight loss diet in time laps of 15 weeks and I'm in week number 2, I vow to put up my first pic when I reach my 20 lb weight lost :) Hopefully it will be by week number 4 :) I am super excited!

Weight in and measurement are in every Friday :) in only two days yay!!!

11 lb

I lost 11lb since I started and I'm happy but no where near close to satisfy I must continue to strive towards a healthy new me :)

I did it!!!

I finish my Green Juice challenge feeling super happy and ready for the all my veggie month :)

  Later today I weight myself to see my progress little by little I'm gonna get through this :)

  My friends are amazing and I love them, those true ones the ones that have and want to have in my life :)

Day three of Green juice only and I feel great :)

This is my third day in and going strong

Day one of green juice :)

I love me!!!

Hello, 

Are you happy?
Ask yourself are you really happy, happy with your reflection on the mirror? or with the way you treat other people? or the way you are unable to talk about yourself with others?
That answer is simple you are an unhappy woman!
Unhappy... living out of others lives, feeding on their memories unable to live my own life.  Living in fear that one day I'm actually going to be happy...
That one day I'll make a mistake and take responsibility and learned from it.  As a child I would escape into my fantasy world where I would live out adventures that I knew in reality would never happen, but as an adult it gets really hard when I have to wake up and see that my reality is colorless and empty from that one I dreamed.  Well I'm tired, I want to learn to love me!!!
From the nail on my toes to the top my head, to love me all over and everything in between.
 86 DAY CHALLENGE STARTS TODAY!!!
Step 1)
             Stand in front of the mirror and say something Positive about the way you look and something that Could use some help improving.
Step 2)
            Doing at least one thing out of the ordinary that makes Me free happy.
Step3)
           Create an easy routine to follow!!! 

New lesson...

When I thought I was using him he ended up using me my friendship my time and now this jealousy feeling that will not leave my heart when I see you in the arms of another woman... Fuck I miss you Tons!!! I'm sorry I FUCKED UP OUR FRIENDSHIP SO BADLY!!!
-Lesson learn IDIOT never use your friends to get over your lovers this shall come back and bite me in the ass sooner or later...

70lb that hunt my soul

I'm  70 lbs over weight, and I've reach a breaking point in my life.  I refuse feel bad about my body another day.  I have great appreciation for the life I was given, and I'm making myself miserable by choice.  I want to feel good with my weight.  I want to be able to shout to the world how much I weight and not feel terrified that one number will define me as obese.  I want to love myself that way I do life.  So I'll start small, but I won't give up.  I make a vow to record my weight and process.  I'm aware that it wont be easy, but I wont give up.  Day one Saturday March 16, 2013 Weight in 192.2.

Walking challenge

Second challenge walking every day for 30 minutes added to the water challenge

For a Brighter Day

     My reasons to smile have to be endless but for today HE is not one of them.  For a really long time he had been so, but no more.  Everyday I'm growing stronger and his life in general affect's me less and less.  I feel free at last and much much happier.  Today I gained something amazing, the fact that my mother sees me as much more mature young adult.  This to me is a big step forward, and yes I know is was because of him that I had to grow. That doesn't mean that he gets to share my victory.  That just means that everyday he is more and more part of my past then my present.  Today I'm happy I have tons of things to be grateful and tons of people that make me happy.  

Picking Up The Shaved Pieces

     When I let you in I had no idea the tremendous part of myself I was going to shave off to be able to make myself fit to you.  The amounts of things I stopped enjoying because I was becoming a little like you.  I was losing the uniqueness of myself, but today I got a piece of myself back :) and little by little I'll go back to enjoying the things I once loved.  I must thank you for the strength and courage that I gained when I let you into my life.      
- To someone that I used to love <3

Visualization:
    Thinking about my problems and the things that border me doesn't help me find solutions so I found that if I visualize my problems being solved, I'm more capable to do the things I need to do to get to my solution.  Yesterday I saw him and felt empty I looked into his eyes and they were quiet, his shy smile was blank it lack of feelings, it was just there.  It was horrible to see that his eyes don't look at me the way mine look at him.  And there is nothing for me to change that absolutely nothing... Before I was resigned that if I wasn't going to have him in a romantic way then I still had him as a friend, but now he is someone that I used to love.  To be honest I can't yet say that I don't love him, but I'm working really hard to achieve that.

Today I want to visualize myself as a strong woman that is able to be happy without being dependent on a man to her feel complete. I want to be healthy mentally and physically.  And most important I want to be happy with what I'm given each and everyday...<3 

1 Water Challenge :
                             Duty Drinking 2 litters of Water this week
                           

Being Alone Heals My Soul... 

     I miss him, can denied that fact, but not seeing him helps me heal.  I wish I could stop missing him and return to my life previous to his involvement.  To those days where seeing a cute guy and fantasying about the what ifs was enough to satisfy my curiously on the opposite sex. To those days where my biggest worry was being in time for work and where my time was spend doing things that made me happy.  Nothing is forever and I will forget and be a better woman thanks to the sour experience he put me through... Hope 

Snowflake

... I rarely feel bad about my weight or the way I look, even though I'm well aware that I'm over 70 lbs overweight.  I kills me to know my weight.  I hate that I'm the fattest cousin and that for my age I should weight a lot less. Today ate like a pig and I hate myself...When I feel like this, I don't want to live with this weight defining who I am, and what I'm capable.